


the darkness inside us

by 8makes1cheese



Category: ATEEZ (Band), ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Bad Flirting, Blind Character, Dark Past, Demonic Possession, Feelings Realization, Gun Violence, M/M, Other, also dongju in a dress??? so look forward to that, but not really, half my drafts are just joong and dongju arguing, the other half is people admiring seonghwa, xion wasn't supposed to be in it this much but here we are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:42:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23359438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8makes1cheese/pseuds/8makes1cheese
Summary: everyone has a dark side.hongjoong's grandmother used to say the words with a smile, shaking her head. everyone has a dark side.even me, grandma?even you, little one.even you.or, alternatively: hongjoong gets caught up in a web of tricks and lies that spirals outward much farther than he ever dreamed, making him question who he can really trust.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Son Dongju | Xion, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 23
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

when hongjoong was a small child, he dreamed of being a hero. 

never once did he look to the future and see himself as he is now, hidden in a shadowy corner with dust in his lungs and a gun gripped in his right hand. two minutes, estimated, until his target arrives. this will be far too easy. 

san's voice, as cheerful as ever despite the situation, crackles in his ear. hongjoong winces, his hand moving naturally towards his in-ear. "quieter, please," he hisses. 

san pauses. "sorry. I was saying, uh, you have about five seconds." 

"what?" 

his in-ear dies. hongjoong growls and cocks his gun, shifting into fighting stance. 

the next second, there's a bloodied corpse on the ground at his feet and he's strolling up the stairs, no longer worried about staying inconspicuous. a lazy grin spreads over his face. "far too easy," he murmers. 

"I wouldn't say that just yet." 

he sighs. "Must you always be so dramatic?" 

"I am not being dramatic. I am being careful." 

"I'm sure," hongjoong responds, amused. "I will heed your warning." 

he clicks off the small microphone on his wristwatch and shakes his head. "he's lovely." 

he continues on up the stairs. 

...

when hongjoong arrives on the second floor, he sees blood. 

"well done," he murmers, stooping to examine the bodies. "three in ten minutes. i'm impressed." 

"glad to hear it." 

san appears out of the shadows, sharp features set in a grimace. "it was unpleasant, but easy. I earned a cut or two on my hip, but nothing serious. you?" 

"unhurt. he was laughably easy." 

san smirks. "awesome. third floor, let's not waste time." 

they step into the elevator, and san sets it to the third floor. the next two minutes are spent in complete silence. 

with a pleasant ding, the doors open, and the duo step out, weapons ready. 

the office chair whirls, and a middle-aged man with dark hair nearly falls to the floor. "who-?" 

"shut up," san says shortly. "where's the safe?" 

"that's a secret," the man stammers. 

he's short, about hongjoong's height, with sharp eyes and a scar on his upper lip. despite his intimidating appearance, he's quaking like a leaf. san lets out a maniacal giggle. 

"lovely," hongjoong drawls. "but we knew that already. i think you'd be smart to tell us where it is." 

"or you'll shoot?" 

"too messy." hongjoong smiles. "what did you eat for breakfast?" 

"what did i- what?" 

hongjoong recites a large breakfast and watches as the man's eyes widen. "no, i wasn't spying. it was all guesswork. you have five minutes before the poison kicks in. now tell me where the safe is, and you'll live." 

"never," the man manages. 

"disappointing." san shakes his head. "we expected more from someone renowned for his brains, han jinyoun. we know exactly where the safe is. we only wanted to be nice, give you a chance at survival, but i guess if you say so, we'll leave you to die." he smiles a sweet dimpled smile as they exit the room. 

"hwaseong was right," hongjoong grumbles. "jinyoun is a fool." 

san shrugs. "dedicated, though." 

"very." hongjoong types in a combination and the door in front of them swings open. "if hwaseong's directions are correct, which i'm sure they are, it's down these stairs and around a corner. what a secure hiding place, hm?" 

san laughs. they descend the stairwell together. 

the door slams shut behind them. 

hongjoong freezes. "um." 

his wristwatch lights up. 

"hongjoong," the soft voice groans, "didn't i tell you to be careful?" 

...

hongjoong lets out another sigh, groaning as he leans back against the wall. 

the package in his hand is no comfort to him. sure, they got what they wanted, but at what cost? the door at the top of the stairs is the only exit. hongjoong grimaces. 

"hwaseong must have been down here," san says. "ask him?" 

"he won't do shit," hongjoong mumbles. "he'll spout something about staying positive and recommend deep breathing exercises." still, he clicks on the mic on his watch. 

"hwa?" he says softly. "you came down here before. any idea on how to, you know, get us out?" 

he grits his teeth. asking for help is one of his least favorite things to do. 

"idiot," hwaseong groans. "good god. okay, did you try the door?" 

"do i look like some sort of circus clown to you? of course i fucking tried the door." 

"did you try unlatching the door first?" 

hongjoong freezes. 

"come again?" 

hwaseong's voice shakes with surpressed laughter. "I asked if you undid the latch before trying to open the door." 

"san?" hongjoong asks, his voice quiet. 

san wordlessly climbs the steps two at a time, hands groping until they find the latch. there's a click and the door swings open. hongjoong swallows his humiliation and stands. 

"thanks," he mutters. 

"no problem," hwaseong answers sweetly. "no problem at all." 

hongjoong clicks off his watch. he bounds up the steps after san and they slip through the door, closing it behind them. 

the duo exit the building in silence. hongjoong's face is still burning with shame, and judging by the redness of the tips of san's ears, the man isn't too proud of their experience either. 

hongjoong slides into the passenger's seat of the car and shoves their package into a small compartment on the floor. he leans back against the seat and stares out the window. 

"fasten your seatbelt," san says shortly. hongjoong hears him grumble, "no regard for his personal wellbeing." 

with a disgusted hmph, hongjoong fastens his seatbelt. 

the car speeds away silently down the highway, towards the rising sun. 

"that took a while," yunho comments. 

"we got stuck in the basement," san begins, but hongjoong cuts him off. 

"we were trapped beneath the building. it was dark and cold, but we used our intuition to get ourselves free." 

"you got stuck in a basement and called hwaseong for help. got it." yunho grins as he turns the car onto the bumpy gravel road leading to their headquarters, an abandoned motel, belonging to hwaseong. how he managed to buy a motel, hongjoong doesn't know. hwaseong is a hard man to read. 

"well, i won't doubt your skills, leader dearest. even the greatest make mistakes." 

yunho parks the car and they file up to the motel, the package tucked under hongjoong's arm. 

thunder rumbles in the distance. san pouts. 

"a storm," he chirps, his voice shaking slightly. "I don't like storms." 

hongjoong can't resist a smile. san is back to normal. 

he hates going on missions with san. back at the agency hongjoong used to work for, they called san possessed. one second he was smiling a bright, dimpled smile and arranging his plushies carefully on his bed; the next, he was spitting on the corpses of whatever brainless idiots had dared to challenge him. 

san is a true mystery. hongjoong doesn't even know where he came from or who he really is; he came into their lives on that fateful icy day when wooyoung dragged himself up the porch steps with blood pouring from his shoulder, shoved a trembling kid in round glasses who clutched a stuffed dog with boney hands, and rasped out "this is san. you can trust him." 

hongjoong hadn't known what to do. a kid? he couldn't look after a kid. when san announced that he was nineteen, hongjoong hadn't believed him one bit. 

but when the agent following wooyoung had lunged out of the bushes and aimed his gun, hongjoong had realized just what wooyoung had brought to their team. san's eyes had narrowed behind his silly glasses. he tossed the plushie into the motel and launched off the porch into a dramatic flip, knocking the agent off his feet, slamming him over the head with his own gun, and rising with a horrifyingly innocent giggle. 

that laugh haunts hongjoong's nightmares. when san giggles like that, it means get the fuck out of his way if you value your life. there's a monster behind the innocent face, a demon hiding in that small body. san terrifies hongjoong, and he's not someone easily frightened. 

"still with us?" 

yunho snaps his fingers in front of hongjoong's face. "you've been staring into space for like thirty years." 

hongjoong rolls his eyes and follows him up the porch steps. the door slams behind them, and the lock clicks. hongjoong is home.


	2. old friends, new stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hongjoong encounters someone from the past.

wooyoung opens the refrigerator and groans. 

"seriously?" he holds up the half-empty bag of salad lying on the shelf. "a household of seven and this is all there is in the fridge?" 

"eight," hongjoong yells. 

"hwaseong doesn't eat, hongjoong." 

hongjoong rolls his eyes. he stands up lazily, stretching his arms over his head. "you just haven't seen him eat." 

"i haven't seen him at all, idiot." 

"that's a good point," hongjoong says agreeably, strolling to the fridge and peering inside. "he just has his own refrigerator, that's all." he stands up with an impressed look on his face. "wow. there really is no food in here." he cocks his head to the side. "yunho, would you mind running to the store for us?" 

yunho gives an exaggerated groan, but he jogs outside to the car. 

"in the meantime," hongjoong tells a pouting wooyoung, "i will rob hwa's refrigerator. give me five minutes." he strolls off down the hallway to the stairs. 

down in the basement, hongjoong turns down a corridor and arrives at a well-hidden panel in the wall. he presses a certain spot and numbers light up, his fingers typing the code with ease. the panel slides open to reveal a short space and then another door. hongjoong knocks. 

"hey!" he yells. "it's me, let me in!" 

the door swings open. "something up?" the man facing him inquires. 

hongjoong scoffs. "yeah, something's up. we're out of food. mind if I steal from you?" 

"yeah, go ahead." seonghwa closes the door behind him and sinks back into his chair. "i don't have much there either." 

"yunho's picking up some groceries. he knows to get extra." 

" 'kay." seonghwa spins his desk chair around. "you seem tired." 

"i am." hongjoong grabs a container of fruit from the fridge and closes it. "i stole your fruit." 

"alright," seonghwa says. "enjoy it, i guess. you don't have time to stick around?" 

"i wish i did." hongjoong's gaze softens, and he bends to give seonghwa a hug. "i'll come see you after i take a nap." 

seonghwa hugs back in silence. hongjoong exits the room without looking back. 

...

wooyoung ends up eating all of the fruit. 

thankfully, yunho arrives back about an hour later, arms full of brown paper grocery bags. he dumps them on the floor and slumps dramatically onto the couch. 

"joong," he yells as hongjoong starts toward the pantry to put away the food. "do you know some dude named xion?" 

hongjoong nearly drops the groceries. 

helpfully, yunho adds "orange hair and a shit ton of makeup." 

"what-" hongjoong breathes heavily. he sets the groceries down. "what the actual fuck is xion doing here? did he ask for me?" 

"yeah." yunho strolls over and leans against the wall, arms crossed. his brown hair is a mess. "asked how you were doing, and if you ever nailed that hot boy you liked. i didn't know you liked a hot boy." yunho arches an eyebrow. "what i want to know is how he knew i was connected to you." 

"what did you say?" hongjoong asks. 

yunho shrugs. "said i didn't know you. wh-" 

hongjoong hugs him tightly, then pulls away, jaw set firmly. "if xion is here, that can't mean anything good. i need to tell hwa right now." 

"why? is he some enemy of yours?" 

"no." hongjoong scowls. "we're not friends, though. he quit the agency too, so hopefully he's not trying to get us in trouble, but knowing xion, trouble will follow him whether he wants it or not." hongjoong picks up his groceries again and heads for the basement. 

at the top of the stairs he stops. "it was hwaseong, by the way." 

"huh?" 

"the hot boy." 

the door slams behind him before yunho can answer. 

...

seonghwa laughs when hongjoong announces his troubles. 

it isn't a mean laugh, not at all. he sounds tired. "joong, you have to stop believing he's an omen of bad luck. maybe he just happened to be in town. that does happen sometimes, you know," he says calmly. 

"bad luck follows him everywhere, hwa! something is coming. mark my words." 

"if you say so." seonghwa's expression grows serious. "i would think you'd have noticed by now that the bad luck seems to target him, not the people around him." 

he smiles. hongjoong knows that smile. it means the conversation is over and done with. frowning, he says his goodbyes and exits the room again.

"thanks for the groceries!" seonghwa yells. 

hongjoong rolls his eyes. 

...

xion was eighteen when the agency found him. 

hongjoong remembers it clearly. he was in his office, in the middle of a civilized conversation with his temporary partner, when said partner's phone rang wildly. he had answered it calmly, his gaze growing slowly more and more worried. eventually, he'd put down the phone and said a hurried apology before darting out of the office. 

hongjoong remembers him, a petite teenager with messy dark hair and dirtied clothes. a runaway, by the looks of it. they'd taken him in for a shower, not revealing anything of what they did here or what this agency was. after all, he might be a spy. 

xion had looked hongjoong up and down and asked, "do you work here?" 

"obviously, why?" he had answered. 

"you look too young to have a job." 

"excuse me?" 

"you're really small," xion had said, shoulders shaking with surpressed laughter. 

hongjoong had decided instantly that he did not and never would like him. 

he was correct. when xion managed to get a job in another department of the agency, he had dropped by hongjoong's office absolutely glowing, hair now dyed a vibrant orange. "now i work here too, kim," he'd said, voice dripping with fake sweetness. "i guess we'll have to become friends." 

annoying. 

hongjoong shakes his head, pushing away the old memories. he sits up in bed, staring at the wall. 

if he closes his eyes, he sees xion's taunting smile on the insides of his eyelids. he'll never get to sleep. 

hongjoong slides out of bed and makes his way to the living room. 

he opens the door and freezes in shock, not believing what he's seeing. 

"i've been sitting here for over two hours," xion says casually, folded hands resting on his crossed knees. "your house is incredibly boring."


	3. the questions unanswered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hAPPY BIRTHDAY SEONGHWA BABY

"so let me get this straight." hongjoong narrows his eyes. "you want me to sabotage your ex's new boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend's sister's wedding. which also happens to be youngjo's wedding?" 

"no," xion says promptly. 

"then the hell did you just-" 

"I want you to help me sabotage my ex's new boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend's sister's wedding. which also happens to be youngjo's wedding." 

"fuck this," hongjoong tries to get up and leave, but xion grips his wrist and pulls him back down. "why me?" 

xion shrugs nonchalantly. "who else?" 

hongjoong breathes deeply, reminding himself to just be patient. "literally anyone would be better than me." 

xion tilts his head. "your team don't even know me, so not them. seoho can't do shit, you know why. it's youngjo's wedding, so not him. i already enlisted the help of hwanwoong and keonhee. my b- geonhak is too moral, he won't do it." he looks flustered for a second. "that leaves you." 

hongjoong groans. "what's in it for me?" 

"I'll owe you a favor." xion reaches for his coat. "my number hasn't changed. get back to me within a week." he leaves silently, the door clicking shut behind him. 

"this is the stupidest thing ever," hongjoong grumbles. "I have to talk to hwa about this." 

...

hongjoong slips into seonghwa's room and freezes in the doorway. 

he's lying on the bed with his eyelids closed, sound asleep, hair falling softly into his face. his lips are parted slightly and he looks so soft and peaceful that hongjoong's heart aches at the thought of waking him up. 

he brushes a strand of hair off seonghwa's beautiful face and sighs, leaning down to press his lips against the man's temple. "good night," he whispers softly, and slips back out of the room again. 

...

hongjoong sleeps fitfully. he wakes up at eight a.m. with his head throbbing and immediately drags himself down to seonghwa's room. 

"i need help," he slurs. 

"are you okay?" seonghwa looks worried. he reaches up to feel hongjoong's forehead. "oh my gosh, you have a fever. lie down-" he pushes hongjoong onto the bed- "drink something-" he feels co water between his lips- "and try to get some sleep."

"i need to talk to you," hongjoong manages. 

"not now," seonghwa scolds. "right now, you rest. I'll take care of your calls. the team will be fine. sleep!" 

hongjoong sighs and closes his eyes. he mutters, "youngjo is getting married." 

"good for him," seonghwa says distractedly. "where's my thermometer?" 

"to a woman," hongjoong adds, raising his voice. 

seonghwa's face is comical. "okay, didn't expect that, but it's his life, i guess." he goes back to fussing over his missing thermometer, looking adorably confused. 

"xion wants me to shoot her." 

seonghwa drops a stack of papers onto the floor. "what the hell! what for?" 

"apparently she's been married like five times and lures men in with a sob story- and by convincing them she's having their child." hongjoong clears his throat distastefully. "once they're married and she officially inherits all their stuff, she murders them." 

"what made her go after an ex-assassin? he'll never just sit for being murdered." 

"if he's sleeping or drunk, or if she poisons him, he will." hongjoong starts to sit up, but is pushed down again. 

"rest," seonghwa reminds him. 

"it's a mess," hongjoong continues helplessly. "i could get us all busted for this, but i can't just stand and watch youngjo get killed by some freak show like her." 

"then do it," seonghwa sighs. "but please be careful, joong. please. i sit in here whenever you're out on a mission almost holding my breath, because i can't stop imagining if you never came back." hongjoong shivers. he imagines it sometimes himself. 

"I can't lose you, hongjoong," seonghwa says despairingly. "I just can't." 

he kisses hongjoong's forehead, and the gesture raises goosebumps. "promise me you'll be as careful as possible." 

"I promise." 

his own voice sounds strange to him. 

seonghwa exhales, pressing their foreheads together. hongjoong closes his eyes, taking seonghwa's larger yet more delicate hands in his. silence falls over the room, but a thousand unsaid words hang heavy in the air.


	4. inquiries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

the knowledge that he has under a week to get back to xion just makes hongjoong want to delay. 

yunho questions him a little, but after hongjoong snaps at him to mind his damn business, he refrains from prying further. 

wooyoung, on the other hand, is not to easy to throw off. 

"you're dressed like an eboy," he comments loudly. "is something wrong? you dress like an eboy when you're stressed." 

"nothing's wrong," hongjoong grumbles, drinking orange juice from a bowl. "I'm fine." 

"nuh-uh." wooyoung shakes his head. "did you get another mission from eden? what is it?" 

"it's not-" hongjoong hesitates. "it's not from eden," he says quietly. 

wooyoung gasps dramatically. "you're going behind eden's back?" 

"i have to," hongjoong says desperately. "an old friend is in danger and there isn't much time." his own words remind him that he has yet to tell xion his answer. 

"did he give you the mission?" 

"no," hongjoong says firmly. "youngjo did not." 

wooyoung plunks his ass down on the kitchen counter and swings his legs. "then who did?" 

hongjoong grimaces. 

"an... acquaintance," he manages. "someone i knew at the agency." 

it's hard for him to hold back from insulting xion, if only out of habit. 

wooyoung narrows his eyes. 

"can you trust this acquaintance?" he inquires, leaning forward and peering into hongjoong's face. 

"give me space," hongjoong whines. 

"fine." wooyoung backs up. "answer my question." 

"can i trust him? probably. do i? not in the least." 

wooyoung shrugs. "could be worse. i'll leave you to it, by the way. go to bed," he pats hongjoong on the shoulder. "it's almost 2 a.m." 

hongjoong follows his advice, despite the ache in his head and the small mental voice reminding him that he only has three days. 

...

wooyoung doesn't heed his own advice.

he'd like to sleep, sure. however, there's a lot going on in his head right now; hongjoong has never taken a mission without consulting eden first, and he doesn't seem to have any particular liking for whoever gave him this one. 

and youngjo. wooyoung shakes his head. hongjoong spoke like it was someone wooyoung would know, but no matter how much he racks his brain, he comes up with nothing. 

wooyoung pushes open the door to the living room and makes his way to the couch, ready to flop down and watch asmr. to his shock, however, the couch is already occupied by a sleeping figure. 

wooyoung stares in disbelief. surely no one could have broken in. he scans the room frantically, ready to yell for hongjoong, when an idea hits him. 

"hwaseong," he whispers, realizing. "this is hwaseong." 

he remembers one of the few times hongjoong had answered his inquiries about hwaseong. wooyoung had asked for the hundredth time, "what does he even look like?" he had not expected a response, but to his surprise hongjoong had said shortly, "beautiful." 

hongjoong was right. hwaseong is beautiful. he's the most beautiful person wooyoung has ever seen. 

dark glossy hair frames a perfectly structured face, skin seeming to glow under the faint light from the window on the opposite side of the room. his features are sharp without being harsh, every inch of his face perfect, flawless. 

except...

before wooyoung can fully register what he's seeing, hwaseong stirs. his lips part, his eyelashes flutter, and he raises his head slowly, opening his eyes. they're absolutely unreally beautiful... and horrible. 

hwaseong's eyes are pale, so pale that in the moonlight they look almost fully white. tiny scars make a web around his eyes, which seem to stare right through wooyoung, eerily blank. 

wooyoung's jaw drops slowly. 

"you're blind," he says. 

"hm?" hwaseong smiles at him. heaven above, wooyoung thinks, he's ethereal. "I am. you must be wooyoung, right?" 

"how do you know?" wooyoung's voice is hoarse. "we've never met." 

"wooyoung and yeosang are the blunt ones," hwaseong says, his voice low and soft, as pretty as him. "that's what joongie said. wooyoung and san have high pitched voices; wooyoung, joong and jongho have insomnia. only one name overlaps constantly, you see? i took an educated guess." 

"oh." wooyoung thinks he must look very stupid, but after all, hwaseong can't actually see him. 

"you're gaping," hwaseong says mildly. 

"hongjoong always said you were smart," wooyoung says slowly, "but damn, hwaseong, you are really smart." 

"just hwa is fine." 

"hwa," wooyoung repeats. "okay." 

"wooyoung," says hwaseong thoughtfully. "i have an idea." 

"what's your idea?" 

"i think you should go to bed." 

...

it's 5 a.m and hongjoong is on a bus, on his way to xion's house. 

he isn't sure why xion was so desperate to see him in person, but he isn't taking any chances with pissing him off. he's seen xion shoot a man right through the head and keep walking like nothing even happened, even sipping his drink like he didn't just commit murder. he's not really up for a fight right now. 

hongjoong hops off at his stop and slowly makes his way to the address in his notebook, stopping only when he's right at the end of the driveway. his face twists into comical confusion, because xion's house is... cute. 

the door swings open, and xion steps out looking tired. "hi, hongjoong. come in." 

hongjoong follows him up the steps in silence.


	5. thoughtfulness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hongjoong learns some things.

before he's even made it five feet into the house, hongjoong can tell xion doesn't live alone. 

for one thing, the shoes in the hallway belong to someone with large feet, and xion is almost as small as hongjoong is. for another, he'd never be caught dead in anything that ugly. hot pink fluffy bedroom slippers? hongjoong shudders. 

"something wrong?" xion asks. he sounds like he's about to pass out.

"nothing." 

xion beckons him to the living room. he flops onto the couch and mumbles "you can sit," gesturing vaguely to the chair. 

hongjoong takes a seat; it's comfortable. he looks around slowly, taking in the room around him. 

the first thing he notices is the blankets piled all over the couches. next he observes several plush animals lying around the room, and a cell phone charger plugged into the wall. the curtain of the window beside him is slightly torn. 

then he sees the polaroids. 

it's the largest collection he's ever seen. the entire east wall of the room is covered in pictures; most of them of xion, if he's seeing correctly. the fiery hair gives it away. 

"so..." xion shifts. "the mission." 

he scowls. "youngjo didn't invite us. thankfully, he and his girl are inviting individually, and his family is bringing some extras. getting in disguised won't be too hard. I already swiped a couple invitations." 

"nice." hongjoong nods sharply. "so we get in, stay inconspicuous, then i shoot and we just run for it?" 

"i've got it covered," xion promises. he blinks rapidly, like he's forcing himself awake. "just trust me." 

hongjoong rolls his eyes. he opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off. 

"dongju, it's not even seven in the morning!" he knows that voice. "you're not asleep?" 

"guest," xion says tiredly. 

his housemate comes into view, arms crossed. "who would show up at six in the- kim hongjoong?" 

"geonhak?" 

there's a painfully awkward silence. 

"it's been a while," hongjoong begins, but xion interrupts. "geonhak, go back to bed." 

"you haven't slept in two days." geonhak crosses his arms. "i'll entertain hongjoong for now. you rest." 

"yes," hongjoong says quietly, nodding. 

xion frowns and looks away. "fine. only an hour, then you wake me up." 

"okay," geonhak says, clearly lying. "come on, then." he scoops xion into his arms and carries him away. 

"get some coffee if you want," he calls to hongjoong. 

hongjoong, still confused, stays seated. he hasn't seen kim geonhak in years. last he heard, the man was still doing agency work, but that must have changed, or xion wouldn't be living with him. 

he called xion by his real name. hongjoong has never done that. 

he glances back up at the wall of polaroids and wonders who took them. 

...

when seonghwa lost his sight, he thought his life was over. 

unable to read or invent, he was stuck in a boring room seeing only blackness, everyone treating him like he was fragile. the worst was that when things got especially painful, the destruction of his tear glands left him without the ability to even cry. he had screamed on some nights, borne the pain in silence on others. hongjoong hadn't always been able to stay. 

when he had, he'd held seonghwa's hand and called him sweet, loving names while gently kissing his forehead. loving him. taking care of him. he had been all seonghwa had. 

seonghwa rouses himself from his reverie and sits up in bed. he hears talking and laughter upstairs; morning is here. he remembers hongjoong getting a worrisome mission and frowns. he hopes he's okay. 

...

back at the agency, hongjoong had known a lot of people. 

despite this, only seonghwa had ever really known him. hongjoong had always considered them best friends. yet seonghwa would always look wistfully at xion and geonhak, like they had something he wanted. 

that only stopped when he lost his eyes. 

hongjoong sees it now; seonghwa saw their communication. they talked freely to each other, understanding. he and seonghwa hold secrets, hiding and lying because they're just too afraid of hurting each other. 

hongjoong knows him accepting this mission will hurt seonghwa. he hates that. 

"hey," he hears from geonhak. 

"hey." 

"were you guys talking about... the plan he has?" 

"yeah." hongjoong shifts. of course xion has told geonhak. of course he has. 

"I don't like it," geonhak says firmly. "i tried to stop him, but..." 

"too stubborn," hongjoong finishes.

"yeah." a sigh. "one of these days he'll actually get hurt and fuck, i don't know what I'll do." 

hongjoong bites his lip. if something goes wrong, seonghwa... he'll be alone. 

"i don't want to do it," he blurts. "but... it's youngjo." 

geonhak nods. "if it weren't?" 

hongjoong pauses. would he still take it? justice, or pure bias towards certain people? he considers. 

geonhak gives him a mysterious smile. "so how's life?" 

xion ends up asleep for five more hours.


	6. familiar faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hongjoong's past is chasing him down.

when xion wakes up, he explains the plan clearly to hongjoong, they drink coffee, and then they're saying their awkward goodbyes and hongjoong is leaving. he hasn't even driven particularly far when he feels a sharp pain in the side his neck. 

he stops the car and stumbles over to a bench. he shouldn't have left the window open. he reaches up and shakily attempts to pry the small, vibrating piece of metal from his neck. 

it's not the agency, he tells himself. they couldn't possibly have found him. 

at that exact second, a whistle splits the air. the sound is so loud, clear and sharp that it sounds like an actual instrument, but hongjoong knows it came from a human's lips. he knows exactly who it is, too. there's no one else in the world who can whistle like that. 

the agency really did find him. 

"jin yonghoon," he practically growls. 

if there's one person on earth who irritates hongjoong more than xion does, it's yonghoon. for one thing, he's tall, even taller than yunho. hongjoong never likes height jokes, but height jokes coming from people who've never had to be insecure of their height make him furious. 

then there's his voice; loud and powerful and attention-gripping. when hongjoong first arrived at the agency, he had mentioned to youngjo that he liked singing, and that it used to be a dream of his. youngjo had clapped and told him yonghoon loved singing too, and they should hang out. 

yeah, that didn't work. 

hongjoong had expected yonghoon to be a decent singer, since he seemed very enthusiastic, but he was prepared to be bored to death when yonghoon announced he was going to sing a five-minute long song. he had settled back in his chair and closed his eyes, willing himself to be patient. 

the first note left yonghoon's throat and hongjoong almost passed out. 

never in all of his life had he heard a voice like that. 'decent' couldn't come close to describing it. yonghoon's voice was rich, powerful and emotional, as intense and gripping as his personality. and it was beautiful. hongjoong was stunned out of his mind. five minutes seemed too short. 

but then he quickly discovered that yonghoon never, ever shut up. 

if he wasn't singing, he was talking. constantly, rapidly talking about the most boring and mundane things, smiling brightly the whole time as if he couldn't tell hongjoong was about to scream and throw something. it was absolutely infuriating. hongjoong began to be slowly more and more annoyed at him. 

what pushed him over the line from mildly annoyed to genuinely angry was how incredibly oversensitive yonghoon was. 

emotions, hongjoong knows, are a good thing in normal life. unfortunately, when you're a government-hired assassin on a life-or-death mission, you just don't have time to break down crying because someone hurt your little feelings. hongjoong had admittedly been harsh, but he was used to people flinching and nodding cautiously when he got into one of his 'battlefield moods.' he was not used to them bursting into tears and hiding their faces away from him. 

how was he supposed to know yonghoon had the emotional strength of a two-year-old child? 

he flinches as he attempts once again to pry the device off his neck. damn it. 

"hongjoong," yonghoon says smugly. he's alone, surprisingly, and he appears unarmed. "you seem to be having trouble?" 

"fuck off." 

"you haven't changed." yonghoon swaggers towards him, pulling off his sunglasses and sliding them onto his shirt. hongjoong hopes he trips over a tree root and smashes his stupid face on the sidewalk. 

it doesn't happen, of course. 

"what the hell are you here for?" hongjoong grumbles. "come to discuss wedding plans?" 

"what the fuck, hongjoong, are you getting married? do you want to marry me? I mean, i do understand, who wouldn't want to marry me? but i don't return those feelings-" 

"oh my gosh, stop talking. no, you piece of shit, I'm not getting married. youngjo is." 

it happens. yonghoon trips over absolutely nothing and barely keeps himself from falling. he looks horrified. 

"youngjo is getting married? why?" 

"huh, you jealous? did he really not tell you?" 

yonghoon stumbles again. he practically collapses onto the bench. "he, uh, doesn't talk to me anymore." his lower lip trembles. 

"don't fucking cry. you'll be thirty in a few years, stop being such a baby. sorry youngjo decided you were too much of an idiot for him; it really isn't my fault." 

"did he say that?" 

"are you seriously about to start crying?" hongjoong groans. "no, he didn't. he's marrying a lovely young lady and i hope he's very happy. not your business." 

"a lady," yonghoon repeats. 

"yeah, a lady, you useless son of a bitch. i know it's dumb, but it's his choice. I'm not going to argue with it." 

"I am." yonghoon starts to stand up. hongjoong pulls him violently back down again. 

"no, you're not." hongjoong sighs. "I should've stayed at dongju and geonhak's." 

his phone rings. he picks it up, annoyed. 

"what is it?" 

his voice sounds more irritated than he intended. 

"oh." seonghwa is silent for a moment. "I'm sorry if it's a bad time. I just wanted, uh, to know if you're okay." 

"I'm fine," hongjoong says. he grits his teeth. "i just ran into jin yonghoon, that's all." 

there's another silence. then seonghwa bursts out laughing. 

his laugh is absolutely adorable, but hongjoong is pissed. "what's funny?" 

"i miss him," seonghwa manages through giggles. "I get so stressed lately. i could use a good rant about cheap hair products and tax evasion." 

hongjoong hangs up on him. 

when he looks up, jin yonghoon is gone. so is hongjoong's car. 

"oh, shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, if you've never heard jin yonghoon sing, you've never lived. he's incredible. one of the only voices that can actually make me cry. 
> 
> onewe- regulus  
> onewe- reminisce about all
> 
> ^^^ both songs showcase his voice beautifully. it's so lovely omfg i might cry again ahahahaha


	7. uneasiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

hongjoong looks around in a daze. 

in his head, he goes over the events of the day quickly. he woke up, he got ready, he drove himself as far as the city outskirts and then caught a bus. he took the same bus back and drove for a short amount of time before he was held up. 

at least he still has his phone. 

he picks it up and thinks for a moment before typing in yunho's number. after a few rings, the man picks up, sighing. 

"what's going on?" 

"I need you to come pick me up." 

he gives yunho his location and hangs up, not bothering with details. he knows the younger won't pry too much.

the ride home is silent. hongjoong considers over and over whether he should ask yunho to try to follow yonghoon, or no; eventually, he opts to say nothing, letting his head rest against the cool glass of the window as they drive in uncomfortable quiet towards home. 

hongjoong takes a shower as soon as they arrive, washing the stress of the day away. he repeats xion's plan over and over in his head. he doesn't like it, but it's too late to go back on his words now. 

a knock on the door startles him out of his thoughts. "hey, this room is occupied." 

"sorry," mingi grumbles. "I need to get a comb." 

"okay, whatever. it's not locked. get what you need and beat it." 

mingi scrambles for the comb and exists hurriedly. hongjoong watches him and sighs again. 

mingi. the newest addition to their team, and the one he understands the least. yunho brought him in, neither revealing any background except that they had been close friends for many years. hongjoong isn't sure what to think of the tall redhead, but he seems like a good kid. 

he avoids the others as much as possible, hanging around his bedroom until night. he settles into bed and suddenly feels terribly cold. 

sleep won't come easily like this, so out of habit hongjoong slips down to seonghwa's room. 

"joong," seonghwa murmers from the bed, as soon as hongjoong slips through the door. "you should be asleep, bub." 

"I can't," hongjoong whispers. "everything went so wrong today, hwa." suddenly his whole body is shaking. he feels seonghwa's arms around him and falls back silently against the older man's chest. "i can't do this. I can't. it's so hard, hwa, and i try-" he chokes. "I try so hard not to show it, but I'm terrified." 

"it's ok." his seonghwa, always calm and understanding. always there for him. "it's ok to be afraid. i know it's hard. I know." 

hongjoong sniffles. "I'm a terrible person." 

"you're not." 

"I am. here i am complaining about how hard my life is to a fucking blind man. you have it so much harder than me." 

seonghwa is silent for a moment, then he answers, "one person's struggles don't invalidate another's." 

hongjoong feels hot tears spill over his cheeks. "this is ridiculous," he mumbles, drying his cheeks- pointlessly, for the tears only spill over his face again right away. 

"is there anything i can do?" seonghwa asks him sadly. 

"distract me," hongjoong manages. "i don't care how. anything to take my mind off- everything that's happening, everything that's going to happen." 

"you do whatever you want," seonghwa murmers, "and i will follow." 

hongjoong takes a deep, shuddering breath. 

"don't think about this too much," he begs, and then he leans in and presses a kiss to the soft lips that part so willingly for him, as though seonghwa has waited his whole life for this one moment to come.

...

don't think. 

hongjoong kisses seonghwa almost roughly, his own tears sliding down the other man's face as well. it's jarring, seeing him like this; he hasn't seen tears on seonghwa's face in so long. 

it only makes him cry harder, because seonghwa can't see. 

the older man holds him with gentle hands, leaning tenderly into the kiss, willingly letting hongjoong do whatever he wants. he wants to kiss seonghwa breathless, wants to feel the man's soft skin under his lips forever, kissing his entire body, holding him close and never letting go. hongjoong is a coward. he can hold his own in a fight, sure, but he's weak to the core for park seonghwa, and in the moment he truly doesn't care. 

"seonghwa," hongjoong gasps against his lips, and when his seonghwa replies with a soft "yes?" his deep voice is breathy. hongjoong shivers. 

"i don't know what I'm doing," hongjoong says weakly. "but please don't worry about me." 

he kisses seonghwa's scarred eyelids and pulls the other down into the bed with him. seonghwa's breathing is uneven, shaky. they're achingly close together, body heat warming each other despite the low temperature in the room, and like that they fall asleep in each other's arms. 

morning will be a difficult time. but for now, all that matters is tonight.


	8. friends close, enemies closer

they don't talk about it. 

in the morning, hongjoong explains yesterday's events. seonghwa offers to accompany him to confront yonghoon (and maybe get his car back), and though hongjoong protests, in the end he finds himself giving in. 

it's not too hard to trace the man's location. he's never been a very subtle person. 

hongjoong borrows yunho's car for the day. sneaking seonghwa out of the house without the others seeing is quite a task, but they manage, though barely (jongho comes around the corner of the house just as the car pulls out of the driveway). hongjoong inhales, trying to ignore the tension hanging heavy in the air. 

he kissed seonghwa. he kissed seonghwa's soft lips and his scarred eyelids and his fluffy hair. hongjoong kissed seonghwa. he can't just forget about it. 

he can't forget how gently seonghwa's hands held him, how the man let hongjoong lead the kiss and do whatever he wanted, the feeling of seonghwa's plush lips beneath his own. he squirms in his seat and seonghwa frowns, worried. 

"everything all right?" he asks quietly. 

"fine." breathe, hongjoong, breathe. "it's just- you know." 

"oh." seonghwa fidgets. "right. the... distraction." he smiles, but there's nothing behind it. 

distracion. 

"I didn't mean that," hongjoong blurts. "I mean- you're not just a- a distraction. a coping mechanism. you're much more than that." 

you mean so, so much to me. 

seonghwa's eyelashes flutter slightly. he's silent. 

hongjoong reminds himself to focus on the road. now would be a really bad time for a driving accident. 

...

dongju's body aches. 

he pulls himself out of bed and towards the kitchen, breathing heavily. there's a sick, nauseous feeling in his stomach. he gasps as he lurches into a chair, his head spinning. 

"geonhak," he tries to call, but he can barely gulp the name out before he pitches forward towards the sink and throws up. 

his eyes sting. he's fine. he's completely fine. he tries to tell himself it's just a bug, a quick little bout of sickness, here one day and gone the next. 

he tries to forget he's been sick for three weeks and is only getting worse. 

dongju sips cool water, trying to ignore the raw, burning feeling in his throat. he doesn't want to wake geonhak up just to worry him, but he could really use a hug right now. 

he thinks forward to the wedding. will he be able to save youngjo at all, if he can barely even get out of bed? 

he pulls himself to his feet and stumbles in the direction of the bedroom. geonhak is a sound sleeper, and he sleeps without clothes, but dongju doesn't really care. he shakes the older man until he wakes up. 

geonhak scowls up at him. "it's not morning yet," he grumbles. 

"I need love," dongju demands. "and it is morning." 

geonhak sighs. "come here, you spoiled little-" 

"shh," dongju presses a finger to his lips. geonhak falls silent, pulling dongju into a hug. the smaller lets his head rest against the broad chest and closes his eyes. it'll be all right, he tells himself. everything will be fine. 

...

hongjoong frowns out at the house in front of him. 

"we're here, i think," he says slowly as the two clamber out of the vehicle. "you ready?" 

seonghwa smiles at him and they approach the house together in silence. hongjoong feels the warmth of a hand gripping his, the familiar gesture serving as a means of keeping seonghwa from getting lost. 

as they step onto the porch, hongjoong scans the property for his car. as expected, he sees nothing. 

seonghwa raises his free hand and knocks smartly on the door. he's met with a painful silence. 

then the door bursts open and hongjoong makes eye contact with a short, chubby-cheeked boy whose bright blue hair is a fluffy mess. the boy blinks at him through large square glasses for a total of twenty seconds before turning and shrieking at the top of his lungs, "yongie!" 

"who is it?" comes the answer from inside the house. hongjoong recognizes yonghoon's voice. 

"some dude! and some other dude!" the blueberry boy turns back to hongjoong and seonghwa. "you have weird eyes." 

"I'm blind," seonghwa laughs. 

"cool! but your eyes look fine. I meant you." blueberry boy points at hongjoong. "you have weird eyes." 

"excuse me?" 

"kiwook," yonghoon sighs. he pushes blueberry boy aside lightly and steps into the doorway, frowning. 

"oh, it's you," he says distastefully. "i suppose you're here to be petty." he turns to seonghwa and smiles warmly. "hwa, hi, I missed you!" 

hongjoong scoffs. seonghwa elbows him and smiles back. "it's been a while, hm?" 

they step into the house and close the door. hongjoong has an odd sinking feeling in his stomach. 

he closes his eyes and breaths. don't overthink. 

taking his own advice is harder than it should be.


End file.
